If you’re looking for a tool to add to your emotional 🧰, this book more than fits the bill.

My Top 5 Reasons Why:

1) I trust the author. This work is birthed from her lived experience (see dedication).

2) She’s clear this book is NOT prescriptive. It’s academic but digestible for the regular person. It doesn’t pretend to tie up loose ends.

3) It gives language to specific situations that makes this book feel comforting.

4) It doesn’t shy away from uncomfortable truths. Mothers can and often leave a lot to be desired. Intentionally or not.

Married or not. Young or not. They can suck! Ok, now what?

5) There’s no pressure to reconcile or to make amends. I felt free to cry, scream, curse, pause, put the book down & cry some more, all while continuing to read, underline, and highlight because the goal is unchanged: I desire to heal.

Buy the book, gain the tools inside, & be open to possibly shift your perspective. This is a great book to buy if you’re in therapy, want to ask certain questions, and/or want to add to your book club.

This book really got me intrigued from the beginning cause I could relate to it. I went through an experience with my mom growing up and abandoning me and having that disconnection. The interviews and the research Dr. Imani did really put me in touch with what others went through. I can’t wait for next book. Thank you, Dr. Imani, for sharing your experience and research.

I read this book from cover to cover with tears in my eyes. Dr. Steele allowed the interviews from her research to illuminate what many Black women have said and what many are afraid to say about how they were mothered. What set this book apart is the fact that Dr. Steele didn’t leave the reader with mere confessions and complaints from the painful relationships of not being mothered “correctly. ” Rather, she shed light on the realities of the participants while leading readers to the light that reminds us that change is still possible. Whether you have suffered the pain of being “unmothered” or you have been the mother who has not mothered your child(ten) in the best possible way, there is still hope. The key is knowing that and taking steps towards real change. Read this book with an open mind and an open heart. Learn to find what works for you and know that your story doesn’t have to end the way it began. This book should be on a bookshelf in every home, especially Black homes, because it can help usher in healing.

Dr. Steele’s dissertation was beautifully written. So I knew to expect nothing less from the book. I am floored by this work… the stories, the history, the experiences that so many Black women go through but often don’t have the language to articulate what’s going on. Dr. Steele did that and some!